I’m too old to be playing the who text who first game and because you’re 10 years older than me, you’re definitely too old to to be doing that shit too.
so this one week (so far) of silence breaks my heart.
and i know i could just pick up the bleeding phone and text you or call you because unlike what feels like everyone else in this solidly unfair world, the universe decided that you and me - we should be placed a seven and a half hour plane ride away, planted in an entirely different continent from each other, oceans and mountains apart and and you’re living in a place that two hours into the future while I am two hours behind.
but i miss you. and i am so mad at you but i miss you.
and i need you to be the one to reach out this time. i just need it that way. i am not sure how that sounds but that is what I need. I need you to be the one to pick up the phone and reach out.
because, in all fairness. I have done my part.
we have been at this since november last year and I have done my part.
everyday I reach out, the best I can.everyday.
how are you, what are you up too, how’s work, have you eaten, how are you feeling, are you feeling better, how’s the family, how’s this, how’s that, what did the doctor say sweetheart, what’s bothering you baby.
you said you wanted to wake up and my face will be the first thing you see. you said we’d spend the day being lazy, have eggs and watch TV. the normal things. the everyday things.
so i flew over. and for nine days, we woke up next to each other, just like we always said we would, you were the first thing i see every morning. and we did the normal everyday things, you make me cereal, i made your coffee, you asked nicely if i could do your laundry, i packed our things for our sleepover at your brothers, i made the bed, nagged you to clean your car, you kiss me goodbye before you head of to work, i peeked in the window and watch you go and i fell in love (even more) with you and then, with your family. i even fell in love with the dog.
so then, to come back and still continue to try the way i try. and have you tell me again, that this is hard. its well, you know, disheartening. just so utterly disheartening. i see us together and i see something, i just need you to see it too, handsome.
so yeah, there. i’ve said it.
I know its hard. but make a plan. make a fucking plan, B.
that is all it takes.